(Disclaimer: Do not read this post if you are a first born child or are pregnant with your first child--Please heed this warning. . .the content may be extremely frightening)
So lately I've been thinking . . .
Is there any hope for Ella to be a normal, functioning member of society in the
future? I ask, not because of who her parents are, but because it seems like the poor little dear is quickly becoming a constant experiment of science. (And to think, I always hated science!) As I have been on this journey of motherhood for 4 months now I feel I am no more prepared to be a mother than I was before this all started. I was one who foolishly thought I was "ready" to be a mom and although I generally don't have a whole lot of confidence in myself in most instances, I actually had a fair amount of confidence in myself and my abilities at being a mom. This was a challenge I thought I could easily handle. But what I have realized time and time again since becoming a mother was how selfish I was before, and how selfish I still sort of want to be. After I first had Ella I think I resolved in my mind that I would only be having one child. . .I could not imagine ever being able to handle more. I have since backed off of that statement to some extent. Motherhood has truly been a humbling experience for me as I have constantly realized that I cannot do this alone. That I need help in the worst way. I need Brad (and he has been there for me and Ella consistently. . .I am glad he adds so much stability to this family of ours). But mostly, I need help from above. I keep forgetting that. There is no way that Brad and I can raise this sweet little angel of ours on our own. I am so glad that we have someone else to look to for guidance and support any time we need it.
So now I go back to my first question, do you think that there is any hope at all for a first born child? Are we given them as a "practice" so we can get ready for parenthood before we actually have the ability to seriously mess something up? As I feel like I am trying new experiments out on little Ella on what seems like a daily basis, I keep wondering, could this, would this, should this, do permanent damage? Will she be scarred for life because of my cluelessness? I hope not. But I definitely think it would explain why first-born children are always such weirdos (if you are reading this and are a first born (Mom), I'm totally kidding. . .If you are not a first-born I am dead serious). I just hope and pray that Ella will not suffer in the long run because of her mother's poor decision making in her early life. She is too adorable and sweet. . .it would just break my heart if I totally messed her up! To you who are parents of older children. . .do you ever get wiser?? Is there any hope??
P.S. I think my next post will be a list of the mistakes I have made as a parent so that Ella can have it to take to her therapist years from now to explain why she has the problems she does!
10 comments:
From my experience I don't think that the first-born is any more messed up than the 2nd. Take Brad and I for example, I don't think he's any less messed up than I am. Stan might possibly be the most normal (although extremely nerdy) member of our family. Bottom line, parenting has no science to it whatsoever, and each is screwed up in their own way.
I agree, I am the last born of my family of five and most of the time I feel like I am the most screwed up:) But, I often feel the way you do with Weston....there is so much to being a mother isn't there?
Speaking from the perspective of the first born, not only are we experimented on constantly, we never got the privileges as early in life as all the other kids did. Trust me, it is a terrific struggle, just to straighten yourself out after what your mother did to you!!! As usual, just kidding. You are doing a great job with Ella, and speaking as her grandmother, she is darling and adorable and perfect.
Hmmm, both Taylor and I are the firstborn children in our families and I hope we're not weirdos! Actually, I retract that statement. I bet our younger siblings would disagree. Firstborns do not get much freedom but we're our parents favorites because we were the ones that first made them parents. I'm scared for my little baby now!
Heather you are hilarious! Mostly because it is funny and true. You think you are doing alright until you find out that you have already screwed up for not getting them on "THE" preschool list when they were born?! Don't worry it gets better and the second one is a breeze...sometimes!
Oh I agree wholeheartedly - I am a firstborn (self explanitory) and seeing my parenting skills (i thought having younger siblings counted as the first - Wrong) there is no way Ashton is going to make it without therapy, and to think we're having another one...poor soul
the firstborn are just extra good, smart, funny, independent, responsible, etc...did I mention that I am the firstborn? Motherhood is uncharted (sp?) territory, minus the hundreds of books and different theories out there. Most of those just make me feel scared and overwhelmed. I prefer to do what works for me/the kids and try not to worry about it. "Try" being the key word. You are great Heather and Ella couldn't be cuter!
I think Jeff is right....Stan is the most normal!
And Heather, I think you are doing a fine job with Ella...don't get down on yourself..just keep loving Ella and learning as you go! (Although this advice is coming from the girl with no baby experience whatsoever :)
First, I have to say that Ella looks adoreable. And I wish we could habe been there on Halloween. There is more than hope for the first born. Parents always make mistakes, but you are always experimenting from the first to the last, since every kid is so different. Take Nathan and Ryan for instance, they look nothing alike nor do they act alike so I have to try new experiments constantly. The good news is, most of us turn out just fine. I agree with you that no one is truly prepared for motherhood no matter how much they think they are. Nathan was a shock to me and I thought I was ready. So really all of us are just doing our best and there is not one right way. You are amazing and you will raise an amazing daughter.
Emily Wilde
Can I just tell you that I screamed I was so excited to find you in the blog world. Scott and I think of you often and miss your contagious laughs. I am so glad to just see those happy smiling faces!!!! Congrats on your beautiful little one! I can already picture her little giggle....
Post a Comment